Our Zackie

Dear Zack,

To say that my heart is broken to a million pieces is an understatement.  I really am having trouble coping right now with the devastating news we got yesterday.  The doctor told us that not only the mass on your face was cancerous, but you have cancer in the spleen and lungs.  And there is nothing they can do to help you since it is in your lungs.  They give you 3 to 6 months.  My world crashed and I have not been able to stop crying since.   What am I going to do without you? 

You have been in my world for so long, I can't imagine life without you.  I know that one day I would have to face the fact that you were no longer going to be here, but I thought for sure I had many more years to go before then.  But the years are now down to months.  And I can't seem to want to accept that fact.  

I keep thinking about regrets.  I should had walked you more or I shouldn't had fussed as much when you made a mess.  I should have given you more kisses and hugs.  But I know I can't think about that now because you gave me the chance to make that up to you.  I do not know how much longer you have here with us, but I am going to make the last months be your best as much as I possibly can.  

Thank you sweet boy for everything.  You weren't just a dog, but a companion and best friend to me during my single years.  You are not just an animal, you are my child.  You have been with me through tears of sadness and tears of happiness.  I cried on your shoulder more than anyone.  You were always there for me and always asked for my forgiveness when you thought I was upset with you.  You never turned your back on me and always was around, even when I didn't deserve it.  I will miss your kisses and the way you would always want to sit on my lap when you were not feeling good.  I will miss playing ball with you. I will miss your smell.  I will miss you snuggling with me at night.  I love you so much.  

Peyton will miss you!  He cried when he came to realize what was really happening to you.  He will miss playing with you sweet puppy. And  I am sad that Emma won't really remember you.  Oh how I wish you will be around to hear her call you.  But I promise, my sweet puppy, that I will make sure she knows your name. I will tell her how much we all loved you.  Daddy will miss you too.  He cried  when he heard the news.  He loves his sweet boy.  We all love you little puppy.

I don't know how this story will end and I am scared of that Zack.  I really want your exit to be peaceful.  I do not want you to be in pain, so mommy is really torn with that.  I just hope that you will always know that we love you and will miss you.  And I will make the last  of your days happier than they ever were.  Thank you sweet dog for being you.  There will never be another dog that will take your place in my heart.  

Love Mommy