A Dream and a Ladybug

Right before I learned I was pregnant with a molar pregnancy, I had a dream.  This dream stuck with me and I don't think I will ever forget it.  I dreamt that I was pregnant and was told by the doctor that it was a healthy baby girl.  I remember waking up from that dream not knowing how to feel.  In a way it was comforting and in another way it was depressing.  After all, it was only a dream right?  Weeks later, when I found out I was pregnant, I was truly hoping that this dream meant something......that this was it.  Unfortunately, that hope was short lived when I found out that it was NOT a successful pregnancy, and to make matters worse, it was a molar.  At that point, I forgot about that dream and spiraled into depression.  I was not only 40, but had to wait 6 months to a year to try again. 

Thank God everything turned out okay and before long, I was able to try again.  

I decided to try another approach to getting pregnant recommended by my sister.  I didn't have high hopes in it because after all, if fertility drugs could not get the job done, what could? 

A couple of months later, two days before I was to official test to see if I was pregnant or not, I woke up feeling kind of strange.  Nothing bad, just different.  I had a play date planned and that morning I promised the moms a Mimosa to kick the morning off right.  Something told me to skip the Mimosa's.  Something told me that I was pregnant.  

I remember sitting there in the back yard with my mom friends in deep thought.  Could I be pregnant?  No way, I thought.  Thankfully, none of the moms realized that I wasn't drinking along with them as I sat and pondered at the possibility of pregnancy.  

Now, I always believed that there are meaning in dreams and signs.  I never had too many of them throughout my life, but I believe in them.  

As I was sitting with my friends,  a little Ladybug landed on my hand.  This was the first Ladybug I seen in ages.  I looked at her and tried to get her to fly off, but for some reason she didn't want to.  So I just sat there and let the little bug crawl all over my hand.  Then I took a picture of her.  

For some reason, I took this little critter as a sign.  I had this feeling that everything was going to be alright.  I felt at peace for the moment.  I had hope.   I felt that luck was coming my way.  I didn't understand the feeling since I had no confirmation whether I was pregnant or not.  But either way, I felt that things was going to be okay.  

When the moms and the kiddies left, I drove to the drug store and bought me a pregnancy test two days earlier than planned.  That is when I got my positive.  I can't say that the feeling of peace lasted because the stress of everything that Kevin and I went through the last three years of trying to successfully have another baby took over.....but I always had this strong feeling way down deep in my heart that everything was going to be okay.  My brain had me feeling most times the opposite way, but I think God had control of my heart.  

I had two signs.  A dream and this little Ladybug.  I did research on Ladybugs and this is what is believed about them: 

"Symbolic meaning of the Ladybug:

Perhaps best known as an emblem of luck. When a Ladybug lands on you, it is said your wish will come true."

"Message from God" 

"When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God." 

So, I can't help but to believe that my dream and this little Ladybug was a message from God himself.  I believe He was telling me that my tears and heartaches was not in vain, that everything was going to be alright and to turn more to Him which is what I had done and will continue to do.  I prayed so hard in the beginning and had an army of people pray for this baby as well.  I still pray everyday.   I have to say that the prayers not only brought me closer to God, but it helped me tremendously to put this in God's hands.  It was His decision and I only asked that He would help Kevin and I through with whatever decision He made concerning this pregnancy. 

It turned out that my dream or message was correct.  I am having a (healthy from what the doctors see) beautiful baby girl who I will forever know her as my "Ladybug".   I will always think back to this time when I see one.

Which brings me back to why this post.  Last week, I saw another Ladybug in a friend's hair and it immediately brought me back to thinking about that day back in May when I got my Ladybug luck.  I looked for the picture and HAD to do a post about it.  

I often think about these signs.  I find it hard for me not to believe in them.   I can't help but to think that was God's way to tell me to prepare my heart for another love.  And that is exactly what I have been doing.